


Troubling thoughts

by tveckling



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Bitter and worried Than&Meg, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, It's not all sunshine and roses, Multi, POV Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Zagreus dies as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29434143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tveckling/pseuds/tveckling
Summary: Zagreus dies. It's become a fact of life, as such it is. He fights his way towards the surface, over and over and over. And sometimes he dies on the way, killed by the foes he meets. But even should he make it, past all the gates and their guardians, his fate is to always die.And it hurts, every single time. It hurts, because Thanatos sees his pain. He feels it, every time Zagreus dies. It makes him want to scream, rage against the decision his lover and his lord made. What kind of job is that, to constantly die? Why does Thanatos have to witness it, every single time?He is Death, and for the first time he resents it.
Relationships: Megaera & Thanatos (Hades Video Game), Megaera/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Troubling thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone else posts cute/fun/romantic things on valentine's. I post bitter resentful ot3. (They care about him, they just wish he cared a bit more about himself too lol)
> 
> This was inspired by [this awesome comic](https://twitter.com/a_karaii/status/1308514961916940298?s=09). Do check it out!

Zagreus dies. It's become a fact of life, as such it is. He fights his way towards the surface, over and over and over. And sometimes he dies on the way, killed by the foes he meets. But even should he make it, past all the gates and their guardians, his fate is to always die.

And it hurts, every single time. It hurts, because Thanatos sees his pain. He feels it, every time Zagreus dies. It makes him want to scream, rage against the decision his lover and his lord made. What kind of job is that, to constantly die? Why does Thanatos have to witness it, every single time? 

He is Death, and for the first time he resents it.

Sometimes, when he can't get Zagreus' latest gruesome death out of his head, he takes to drinking in the lounge during the rare breaks he gets.

Sometimes, Megaera joins him.

"How did he die this time?" she asks, barely looking at him as she downs her glass. It seems she's in a foul mood after her latest defeat, Thanatos thinks. Nevertheless it warms him, even just a tiny bit, as she then turns to look at him with sympathetic eyes. She knows how badly Zag's deaths wear on him.

"The vermin caught him in their poison, then kept him from cleansing it," he responds, staring down into his own glass. The golden hue of the nectar seems less appealing than it usually does. It looks more green than yellow in the light of the shining skull Zagreus bought for some inexplicable reason.

"Tsk. Poison is… not a pleasant way to go."

"To put it mildly." If he lets himself he can still feel the way the pain wracked Zagreus' body at those last moments, how he choked as his body failed him. It was not a quick death, his health being chipped away a little at a time. He thinks of how busy he was, unable to come to Zag's help. He thinks of how he still wouldn't have been able to cleanse the poison or heal him.

He drinks, downs the whole glass as if mimicking Megaera. She silently pours him more as soon as he sets the glass down again.

For a little while they sit there, each lost in their own thoughts. Around them various shades mill about. Thanatos can hear some of them talking about this or that renovation Zagreus ordered at the contractor. The chair he sits on it so much more comfortable than the ones they had earlier, all because Zagreus wanted to improve the situation for everyone else in the house. He's always been like that, caring about everyone else and their situations, their happiness, ever since he was a child.

Suddenly, that kind heart doesn't awe Thanatos as it always does, and he grits his teeth, glaring down at the table.

"Why doesn't he care? About us? Why must he, every day, over and over again…" He makes a sound of frustration, resisting the urge to just scream. It's become a far more common urge than he likes.

"Dying, you mean? Going up to the surface, either getting killed by me or my sisters, or the hydra, or the oaf and his bull companion, or Lord Hades himself. Or dying anywhere between them, by some insignificant shade? Or, finally, once he gets to the damn mortal world, dying for whatever stupid reason he comes across? Or, just, you know, being taken by the Styx because it turns out he's not made to survive up there in the first place." As she lists all the reasons Zagreus can, and have, died her words speed up, poison and deep-seated resentment lining her words.

Thanatos understands her perfectly.

"He goes to such lengths for everyone," he muses, trying not to give into his own resentment. But Zagreus is sure not making it easy. "But when it comes to his own safety he just… doesn't care."

"I thought it would be fine. We're gods, we fight each other whenever our tempers flare. Sometimes we even kill each other, because we know we're simply coming back here. But no one has it as their damn job to die, over and over." Megaera's voice is low, as if she doesn't want anyone else to hear her next words. As if she doesn't quite dare to admit them to herself, even. "Sometimes, I feel like he's not going to come back. As if, for some reason, the Styx decides to keep him, for good."

Thanatos glances up at her, and his heart aches at the despondent look on her face. Reaching out he squeezes her hand, giving what support he can. She immediately squeezes back.

"I should know better, but sometimes I house the same fear," he admits. "Now that I know who his mother is, that he has mortal blood in him, it frightens me. It's clear by now that it won't change a thing, that his godhood is as ours. But still I fear."

Meg groans, rubbing her forehead. "If he was just going to be like this, why did he even make us fall for him? Why does he make us care for him, and then force us to watch him constantly run around in pain? I don't- I hate him, sometimes. Because I love him. And he doesn't care about himself."

Thanatos drinks some more, trying to wash away the way his throat's tightened. "At least… he's stopped trying to go to the surface for good. He's still coming back here, to us. He still considers this his home," he says, regretting it as soon as the words leave his mouth. He can hear how lamely his attempt at cheering both of them up is. And judging from the look Meg throws him, so does she.

But she smiles crookedly nonetheless. Thanatos sees the edge of bitterness in it, however. "Does he really, though? He said it himself, he always felt out of place here. He resents being trapped here, he always has. Us being with him… it feels like we are nothing more than consolation. Something to make his time down here more bearable, but still so easily to throw away without a second thought. We both know that, if he could, he would stay up there. Whether we joined him or not."

Thanatos stays silent. He doesn't want to agree, but the insecurity that's plagued him from the very start he found out Zagreus was trying to escape won't let him object. Meg squeezes his hand again, giving back the support he tried to give her before. At least they're in this together, the gesture says.

"How much is left of your break?" she asks.

"Not much. I probably should be going back to it as soon-"

He freezes, the words catching on his tongue as he feels a stabbing pain, there for a moment and gone again. His bond with Zagreus was always different than with anyone else, and it's only gotten stronger. Unfortunately, that strength also counts for his deaths.

Megaera looks at him sharply, then breathes out. Tosses back her drink. "He died again?"

Thanatos only nods. He thinks of their conversation, of the fears they admitted to each other. A hand's squeezing his heart, and he finds it difficult to breathe calmly. He has to see Zagreus. He has to see him rise, safe and whole and alive. He  _ has _ to.

"Come on. Let's go," Meg says, rising from her seat. She looks stiff, her expression dark. 

Without a word Thanatos understands what she means, and he rises as well, following her out into the hall, over to the stairs leading from the river. It always takes a little time, from death to stepping out of the water. He knows that. But still the seconds pass by excruciatingly slow, and he can't seem to calm his heart. Next to him Megaera scowls over her crossed arms.

Then.

Dark hair ascends from the river, water quickly running down it. Then a head, and torso, and the rest of his body, and Zagreus is in front of them again. At the sight of him Thanatos feels his heart calm down again, and it annoys him. 

"I see you died again," Megaera says in a lofty voice, and Zagreus looks up from his muttering.

"Meg! And… Than?" The confusion is plain on his face, and Thanatos feels a stab of guilt for his resentment. He does love the prince. He's reminded of it every time he sees him. "What are you doing here? Were you waiting for me? Is something the matter?"

"Apart from you being a knucklehead as usual? Nothing in specific." Meg's dry comment reveals none of her earlier worry, and her stance is relaxed.

"Is that it? Have you teamed up to make fun of me? That's unfair." Zagreus sounds hurt, petulant, and that makes Thanatos grit his teeth.

"Are you really the one to blame other for being unfair, Zagreus?" he asks, glaring at his lover. "You, whose every attempt to reach the surface is yet another attempt to try and leave us?"

"What? No, I'm… is that what you really think?" Zagreus looks at both of them with a horrified expression. For once Thanatos doesn't find it in himself to try and soothe him.

"What else should we think?" Meg replies. Her hand is on Thanatos' shoulder, and he takes heart in her warmth even as her words pierces him and feeds his doubt. "As it is, it only feels like we're a stop on the way, a momentary distraction before you continue on your way. A pity fuck for poor prince Zagreus."

" _ What? _ No, that's not- I never thought of you like that! You're my most precious-"

"Whatever," Thanatos interrupts. He doesn't want to be there any longer. He doesn't want to see Zagreus' face any longer, doesn't want to hear what he has to say. He's seen him safe and whole, and that was all he wanted. And, besides, he has work to do. "My break's over. I have to get going. I will see you later, Meg."

"Take care, Than."

The last thing he sees before he shifts to the surface is Zagreus looking at him, face full of guilt. Megaera will probably continue to lecture him after Thanatos has gone. He can't stop himself from hoping that, maybe, they've managed to get Zagreus to think about his actions, even just a little. But the voice inside him whispers doubt.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at [twitter](https://twitter.com/tveckling)~


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